jiaying. (:
fifth april.

family, friends & dance

HCMAD<3 07S79 adeline ann audrey ainan bertilla charmaine cherylchang clarice estelle ezra huitian jess jiayi jiayun joanne kelvin liuqian meiling mianrong mieoteng nicholas nicole qianying ruixiong sherene serene shionyee siyu stacy tisiana tingyu thomas vanessagoh xianhuan xiyu xueen yueyang yunning
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let's chase the summer and forget the world.

hellllooo (: i had alot of stuff to say but when im faced with this blank screen here i feel kind of lost i dont know where to start. sigh. okay. i am very tired, i feel very very tired of studying. yet i dont want Alevels to come and i dont want it to end cause im very scared of it. once its over everything will be like set in stone. im very scared, i dont want to do badly, i hate thinking about studies, about universities, about courses, about applications, and i dont know ANYTHING about all of them, except maybe just the basic stuff. i find it very tiring to go and research, find out all these stuff, maybe because they all still seem quite faraway to me. i must be crazy, at this stage i think nothing's far away anymore. and yeah, im still avoiding. heck i cant find the energy to be interested. maybe im just not interested in my future. and the reason behind that is because i cant find it in myself to face the fact that it will probably suck. i think im born to be someone who runs away. i dontknow i dontknow, i just know im very very tired ):

prelims are two days away. haha. haha. sigh. im even tired of saying, TIME FLIES. cause its like no matter how many times i say it it never seems to be bothered with me and slow down or something. life sucks. its just amusing la, how we see councillors preparing for maf again while we're in the reading room studying, and this time we're the j2s and the councillors are the j1s. what else can i possibly say, ha.ha.ha.ha. whatever. sian. ARGHHHHH I HATE IT THAT IM SO LOUSY AT STUDYING I HATE IT THAT I CANT UNDERSTAND BIO CHEM MATH ECONS AND DO WELL FOR THEM I HATE IT WHEN THINGS CANT GET INTO MY FREAKING HEAD I HATE IT WHEN I TRY SO HARD YET I DO NOT SEE ANY RESULTS I HATE IT THAT IM IN HWACHONG ONLY BECAUSE I SCRAPED THROUGH EVERYTHING I HATE IT THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF I HATE MYSELF sometimes. yeah, sometimes. and that sucks. maybe i should hate myself all the time. and i hate it that i hate myself only sometimes, and that i get over things like rather easily. like at this moment i may be thinking life sucks, and i know that tmr when i wake up i will feel okay again. it just isnt propelling me forward, im like forever so contented in the present and in the now, in the situation. very ..stagnant. sigh.

okay this is such a WEIRD POST I SHALL POST PHOTOS WHICH CONTRADICT MY MOOD NOW CAUSE THEY ARE HAPPY PHOTOS

06/07 MAD REUNION (loves the seniors)





o8o8o8 national day celebrations (ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF OUR APOLLO'S BEST DANCE. SIGH)
one year ago :D
I MISS DANCE ALOT ALOT ALOT I MISS MAD I MISS MUSIC AND DANCE. SIGH.

wellll ITS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TMR.
kind of fast ah. time just flew by. and so fast we're gonna be out of this school. lol, i can still remember orientation quite vividly, og dinner hahaha campfire, and everything :)

OHYA HWACHONG'S GONNA HAVE A MRT STATION RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR SCHOOL :D :D :D :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHA DAMN COOL LA and hopefully they'll let us name it HWACHONG STATION or something :D meisiew says they should lor, since there's a RAFFLES place station. okay lame-.- BUT by the time when the circle line is done (2010 around there) we long gone already. sighhh sian la i want to be young. D: D: D: next time go back hwachong can take train already. and as meisiew has counted (she damn enthu abt the train thing cos she says next time she can send her children to school-.-) there're like 6 stations from cck to the currently-Duchess (potentially Hwachong :p ) Station but its abit lame, there are like 2 mrt stops at bukit panjang, 1 at hillview, 1 at kap, 1 at SIXTH AVENUE-.- and 1 at Hwachong. they abit rich. okay nevermind.

my lovely class bench! which "housed" many s79 seniors in the past, and many s79 juniors in the years to come :D

JIAYING PLEASE MUG HARD. do you know in exactly 3 months from now we would be FINISHED with our A levels. OMG. ..my sec3 sister is studying everynight like she's the one taking A levels la. i dont even know what i was doing back in sec 3. another feel-old-moment D: okay MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG PERSEVERE JIAYOU MUG MUG MUG MUG CONCENTRATE MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG MUG

i should have known i should have known i should have knowwwnn, oh my godddd FREAK. i didnt know.. argh why is everything so stressful why are there so many things to think about!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh OKAY maybe now i should just shut up. bye

i have been feeling kinda down these days, especially when certain people appear, when friends ask what happened why like that whats happening why dont you do something about it aiya cheer up its okay dont think about it. but when certain people appear again it just triggers everything. and all the looking back, at last year the week before genting, how i could have done something. something, anything. done something to preserve the friendship, the very very very precious special kind of friendship we used to share. i blame myself for being so selfish, so caught in the heat of the moment and how i could just abandon everything else and just think about how i feel. i never really thought i was a selfish person. but these few days of seeing a person appearing every where and every corner i look has made me realise, i am actually not a very nice person, not a very nice friend. many times i would just get caught up in everything fun everything exciting and forget those who were really truly there for me, and i will move on in search of more excitement and more fun while i leave them behind. they tried to catch up with me, but i couldnt be bothered as i thought some other things in my life are now more important. but as time passes, as everything fades, i find myself going back to the same me, the me who had no one, the me who once had you, but i had let you go, and now im all alone. and i want so much to bring it back, just like how you used to. and i try, but the difference between me trying and you trying then was that i feel so ashamed. i know everything's my fault, everything could have been so much better now if i had bothered to do something, if i had truly thought you were one of the more important aspects of my life. and when i tried and you blocked me off, i know, and i do not have the face to try again. today i wanted to try again, i thought that this time maybe things will change! and everything will become better. just like how it used to be :) but when i just read your special someone's blog, i realised how pathetic i am compared to her, i realised i do not even deserve to have a friend like you in the first place, i thought of how i had misplaced your faith in me, how i had lost your trust, i thought of the many many things i did and once again i thought of the many many things i COULD have done, yet i didnt. because i was selfish and i only thought of myself. and now once again i became my selfish self and just because i wanted you back i thought i was right, i thought i was the victim in this whole situation, yet i realised i still do not understand the true meaning of really being there for someone. i thought that your special someone is really so special, and i could probably never be someone like her, it is absolutely right for you to be angry with me, to not talk to me, probably ever again. i really admire your special someone, i am very glad there's someone like that in your life taking care of you. i miss you so much, but i guess i should just give up. i shouldnt have left you hanging when you needed me, and just hope we'll be friends again after that when i find myself all alone. i cant be so selfish anymore. i just want you to know, im sorry. truly really very sorry. i hope you be happy always.